I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize