my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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