Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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