Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
