my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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