Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
