Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
