im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
