I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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