I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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