I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
