Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
