I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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