it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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