loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
