McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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