The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
