I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
