You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
