We're like a lot better than the average bears
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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