my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
