Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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