would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
