Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
