I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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