guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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