Welp...herpes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
