God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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