In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
