I am puke
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
