I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
even my farts smell like vagina
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
