I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Randomize
