If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
