i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize