I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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