Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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