I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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