weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
