Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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