I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
