like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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