Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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