A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
