Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
