I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you will always have a special place in my vag
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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