I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
