yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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