What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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