he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
