I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize