Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
did i just pee glitter
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
