drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
