Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
