my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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