i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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