Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
