I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
