I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
