This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize