He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
there is glitter all over my balls
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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