He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
