everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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