The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
All I want is dick and wine.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
