i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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