I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
