I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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