i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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