went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
