I am puke
Apparently you make a good broom.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
