if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
