# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
