I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize