mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
