so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
