I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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