went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
