Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
