we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
