and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
