you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
