i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
