I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
