my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
