I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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