You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
