Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Pants are for mortals
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
