oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
