She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
